Oh sure, now that I've come this far, my co-workers have decided they'd like to have our very own Biggest Loser competition at work!  Starting next week those of us who wish to participate will weigh in each week on Monday, and the one who loses the most percentage of body weight by the end of the year wins a prize of some sort.  But I don't get to count anything I've already lost, I have to start from now.  LOL  Why couldn't they have thought of this months ago?

I'm pretty confident ... I've already got a diet and exercise plan in place and am very motivated.  They'll all be starting out, and they are used to ordering out lunch every day and having lots of treats around the office.  Wish me luck!

Anna

I wasn't even supposed to weight this morning as I am trying to do it only once a week, and my TOM is due in 2 days, and I never lose weight before that comes! So imagine my surprise to get on that scale this morning and see 199.76 pounds! (90.8 kg)

ONEDERLAND IS HERE!!!

I feel like I need to go wake up my husband and celebrate!!

Anna

I'm trying out another blog site that is more Mac friendly ... so come find me here:

http://annadownunder.extrapounds.com/

I used to be a big fan off the website called www.theweighwewere.com, which features success stories of people who've lost weight.

It also had an area where dieters could journal, and a message board that I liked to frequent. Well one day with no warning whatsoever, they simply deleted everyone's journals and reformatted the site! I lost tons of entries, and it's why I moved my journal to this site.

Their new look was rather attractive ... the logo had an old 50's diner feel to it that I liked ... and the message boards came over to the new site too, just no journals. Well today I went back to browse the message boards, and lo and behold ... they've done it again!

No message boards, no nothing. All it is now is success stories. Again, no warning -- I was just at the site a couple of days ago and saw no notification that it would change again. The cool 50s diner look is gone now, and it's only success stories.

I used to really enjoy that site!!

Anna

Continuing my journey through "The Dark Side of The Light Chasers" we're on to exercise 2. This was not an easy exercise for me!

Once again I had to relax, put on my new age music, light a candle, and visualize myself in a beautiful garden. I called forth my sacred self - visualizing myself at my very best. Call it my higher self if you like, my sacred self is everything good, beautiful, kind and loving about me. She was not fearful and she is capable of manifesting my highest potential in my life, whatever I desire. I asked her to be with me always, guiding my life, and asked what I needed to do to open my heart and release old toxins that I still carry around. The answer came back that I needed to face my fears, take chances, and not listen to the voices (toxins) within me that say I can't or am not worthy or deserving. I embraced and thanked her.

Next the exercise directed me to visit a very different place. This place was dead and dingy. I was told to see my shadow self hiding in a corner, full of all my negative traits. She felt unworthy, neglected, fat and dirty. She hid in secrecy and ate. She was alone and afraid. A lot of negative words came to mind at the first sight of her, but I realized that at the very core my shadow self was just afraid, lonely and feeling unworthy. Fat, lazy, all the bad traits that were once prominent in my life. They are still there, still me, just buried beneath the surface.

The more I work to change my life and bring out more of the sacred self in me, the more that fear and negative things seem to subside and I feel more worthy of a better life and happiness. Part of that is having Rod's love, but even more importantly, I have much more of my own love for myself. I want better for me and I feel more worthy, more deserving of that life, love, happiness, beauty, compliments, raises, praise, all the things I used to feel undeserving of.

This is not to say my shadow self should be repressed further, just because I'm bringing out more of the sacred. This book says I must seek out those negative traits I've burried and refused to own. That is not the same as learning to love oneself and be positive, kind and caring towards myself. It means releasing some of the negative. Still, there are traits I have not yet owned, accepted and set free, so I will have work to do. But I've come a long way and am proud of my progress ... my success to date.

The next step was revisiting my place of beauty, calling forth the sacred self and shadow self together, holding hands, embracing and sharing love, kindness and forgiveness. I promised to learn to understand, accept and love the shadow self. Then I said goodbye to both selves.

This was a difficult exercise to do because it was hard to put a face on the two selves -- to imagine them as instructed. But I felt it was successful none-the-less. I'll try to remember this work as I face a fear now -- I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar, but feared I couldn't do it. Well Rod bought me a guitar! I'm not going to be afraid. I can do this. I want to play and sing, even if no one else ever hears me. I want to write, even if no one else ever reads it. I want to stop bottling up these desires and let my creativity free -- release it no matter what becomes of it, even if it doesn't lead to any great talent. It's a way to express myself and release things I've trapped inside for too long.

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They have incrreased my venesection (blood letting) appointments to every 2 weeks now ... the treatments every 6 weeks were not lowering my iron levels enough, so now I go every 2, and I'm beginning to feel like a pin cushion! They only use my right arm because I have a birthmark inside my left elbow and it's not smooth and flat, so they think it might hurt more. Let's hope this is helping!

Anna

     Weight Update


I know ... I shouldn't care too much about what the scale says, but I'm human ... so I do!

While I've not lost weight in the last month or so, I have been losing centimetres, and lost 1% of my body fat, which is great ... so I knew I was losing fat and building muscle, which is why the scale didn't move. It's good, I know that ... but I still like to see the scale move.

Well today it did! I'm now over 80 pounds lighter than when I moved to Australia ... and it feels GREAT! Nothing motivates you to keep going than seeing actual progress, so I feel like this is sort of my reward for all those times I was really CRAVING KFC and didn't go. LOL

Anna

I've been re-reading "Dark Side of the Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford and going through the exercises. If you're not familiar with the book, here's a review I found:

Everyone possesses the entire range of human traits and emotions, "the saintly and the cynical, the divine and the diabolical, the courageous and the cowardly," contends Ford, a faculty member of California's Chopra Center for Well-Being. The problem, as Ford (and Freud) define it, is that in growing up, people suppress those behaviors, thoughts, feelings and characteristics that are unacceptable within their particular environments. But rather than daily sessions on the couch, Ford advocates re-imagining and reclaiming lost aspects of self, urging readers to "unconceal" and embrace those traits buried in their "shadow," in order to find their "gift." She offers exercises designed to bring such traits to the surface, including directed self-questioning; listing one's characteristics for closer examination of positives and negatives; and "discharging toxic emotions" physically.

So that's what I've been doing, and I decided to share the exercises here ... bare myself to the world, so to speak. For many of the exercises you put on tranquil sounds, light a candle, meditate on being in a beautiful garden where you're safe, and then envision your meditation chair, where you sit and ask yourself the questions and listen for the answers. It's totally calming and relaxing, and I really enjoy that part. At first I thought I wouldn't know when the answers came ... but now I just trust whatever ideas come into my head as being the truth.

Exercise 1 questions:

1. What am I most afraid of? - Pursuing my dreams. Going after what I want most in life. I'm afraid to because I fear I'm not smart enough, not good enough, not worthy.

2. What aspects of my life need transforming? - My health and physical fitness, though I've already made great progress at that. My self-esteem, sense of value, and confidence. I'm not sure how to work on those areas, but they need transforming. And I must not wait "until" -- until I think I'm ready or worthy. I must pursue my desires NOW, such as SINGING, which I love, and learning to play guitar, which I've always wanted to do. Even if it's just for me and no one else ever hears it, this is something I want. Writing - even if I'm never published, I enjoy doing it.

3. What do I want to accomplish by reading this book? - To feel more whole, more loving and accepting of myself, even my "bad" qualities. To love and accept not only myself, but others as well. To not be judgmental.

4. What am I most afraid someone else will find out about me? - That I'm not perfect, I do have human flaws - I am capable of being dishonest, immoral. I have had little self-control and self-discipline until recently with my weight control efforts, but other areas of my life as well.

5. What am I most afraid of finding out about myself? - That I am right about not being smart enough. That I'll waste my life, never pursuing my dreams because I'm waiting for my life to be where I want it first. My dreams will be forever out of my grasp. That my life is meaningless and makes no real difference. That no one cares enough about me to notice me or what talents I may have -- not even me.

6. What is the biggest lie I ever told myself? - Probably the lie of "if only." If only I were thin, or had money, then I would be happy. I'd be doing what I love and being who I want to be. That my happiness in life is ever ellusive because of forces or people OUTSIDE of myself, and because I'm fat, ugly or poor. That change is not within my power.

7. What is the biggest lie I ever told someone else? - Perhaps the lie of omission. The things I haven't told.

8. What could stop me from doing the work necessary to transform my life? - Me! Continuing to believe something outside of myself has to change first, that I have to wait for money to come or to be thin before I can go after what I want. That I have no power to transform myself. These beliefs could stop me.

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My Curves weigh and measure proved it ... in the last 3 weeks I haven't lost much in weight, but I have lost 11 centimetres and 1% body fat! That's really good!

I mean since I started at Curves nearly a year ago I'm down 4.3% body fat ... so for 1% to be just in the last 3 weeks is really amazing! I know it's great to see the tape measure show that I'm smaller, and clothes fit better, and my body fat is down ... but damned if I still don't want to see the number on the scale smaller. Ah well ...

Anna

Since my nephew's visit which began in early July my weight loss had been on hold ... up a few kilos during those 4 weeks and now just about back where I was before his arrival. So it's like 2 months of wasted time really ... time I feel I've made no progress, really, in my weight loss. BUT I continued working out while he was here, and for the last 3 weeks I've increased my workouts to 6 days a week. I feel amazing! People keep coming up to me the last few weeks and saying how much weight I've lost, and I'm thinking ... no I haven't! Not since the first week in July! BUT so many people keep saying it ... maybe all the extra working out has toned me up and built muscle so that while it doesn't show on the scale, I could be losing fat! I get a weigh and measure this Wednesday, so it will be interesting to see how many centimeters I'm down.

My local Curves where I work out has even hung up my progress photos in the center! I feel like a celebrity. LOL

Now the new challenge has nothing to do with fitness ... my hubby bought me a guitar! I've always wanted to learn but never felt I could do it. Well now I have no excuse! Ha!

It's hard on the fingers, I didn't think it would actually HURT to play guitar. But you gotta start somewhere and I'm told you get used to it. So right now I'm doing really beginner level stuff. I'll let you know how I progress. It's frustrating because I'm using to picking things up very quickly, especially where computers are concerned ... but this is actually going to take some time! Ah well ... I may never be playing for crowds, it's really just for myself that I wanted to do this, so I can take things at my own pace.

Anna

My beloved nephew, Mike, has come and gone ... the 4 weeks went by so fast!! And that means he's back home in America and I've just finished my first full week back to work. That's really hard going back to work after 4 weeks off!

Mike arrived July 11th and left again August 6th. Much of the first 3 weeks it rained and rained, which made it hard to do all we'd planned, but we managed. We took him to Mt. Keira lookout, bowling, up Macquarie Pass, through Wollongong, along the Sea Cliff Bridge in the northern suburbs, to Symbio animal park, the Kiama Blow Hole, down the coast to feed kangaroos ... and that's just in the Wollongong area!

Then we went to Sydney and visited the Aquarium, road the Monorail, went up the Sydney Tower to get an awesome view of all of Sydney (and ride the OzTrak, a kind of virtual roller coaster thingy where you sit in a car watching a movie in front of you, and the car moves and turns to make you feel like you're riding along with the movie), took a Harbour cruise, visited the Opera House, saw a didgeridoo player, and visited Taronga Zoo.

Back home again we walked the Minamurra Rainforest (which was quite a workout but rewarded you with an awesome water fall at the top) and visited the Nan Tien Buddhist Temple!

So I would say we still managed to cram a lot into our four weeks! LOL

With mom gone, I'm not sure when we'll be planning another trip home, so I may not see Mike again for another couple of years. He wants to come back when he's 18 (partly because the drinking age here is 18, I'm sure).

During the 4 weeks, I did gain about 4 kilos! (Well we were eating out quite a lot!) But then the Friday before he left, I became suddenly and violently ill! I've never been sick that much (or that often) and by the next morning I'd lost a kilo. So I've got 3 kilos to get back off of me before I can start losing again. I am proud to say I kept working out at Curves during my vacation, and I'm going to be increasing my workouts next week.

So I'll report back soon to let you know how the weight loss is going. For now, here's a pic of me seeing Mike off at the airport. Does he look 16 to you?

Anna

http://annasjourney.bravehost.com/myPictures/Bye-Mike.jpg