Continuing my journey through "The Dark Side of The Light Chasers" we're on to exercise 2. This was not an easy exercise for me! Once again I had to relax, put on my new age music, light a candle, and visualize myself in a beautiful garden. I called forth my sacred self - visualizing myself at my very best. Call it my higher self if you like, my sacred self is everything good, beautiful, kind and loving about me. She was not fearful and she is capable of manifesting my highest potential in my life, whatever I desire. I asked her to be with me always, guiding my life, and asked what I needed to do to open my heart and release old toxins that I still carry around. The answer came back that I needed to face my fears, take chances, and not listen to the voices (toxins) within me that say I can't or am not worthy or deserving. I embraced and thanked her. Next the exercise directed me to visit a very different place. This place was dead and dingy. I was told to see my shadow self hiding in a corner, full of all my negative traits. She felt unworthy, neglected, fat and dirty. She hid in secrecy and ate. She was alone and afraid. A lot of negative words came to mind at the first sight of her, but I realized that at the very core my shadow self was just afraid, lonely and feeling unworthy. Fat, lazy, all the bad traits that were once prominent in my life. They are still there, still me, just buried beneath the surface. The more I work to change my life and bring out more of the sacred self in me, the more that fear and negative things seem to subside and I feel more worthy of a better life and happiness. Part of that is having Rod's love, but even more importantly, I have much more of my own love for myself. I want better for me and I feel more worthy, more deserving of that life, love, happiness, beauty, compliments, raises, praise, all the things I used to feel undeserving of. This is not to say my shadow self should be repressed further, just because I'm bringing out more of the sacred. This book says I must seek out those negative traits I've burried and refused to own. That is not the same as learning to love oneself and be positive, kind and caring towards myself. It means releasing some of the negative. Still, there are traits I have not yet owned, accepted and set free, so I will have work to do. But I've come a long way and am proud of my progress ... my success to date. The next step was revisiting my place of beauty, calling forth the sacred self and shadow self together, holding hands, embracing and sharing love, kindness and forgiveness. I promised to learn to understand, accept and love the shadow self. Then I said goodbye to both selves. This was a difficult exercise to do because it was hard to put a face on the two selves -- to imagine them as instructed. But I felt it was successful none-the-less. I'll try to remember this work as I face a fear now -- I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar, but feared I couldn't do it. Well Rod bought me a guitar! I'm not going to be afraid. I can do this. I want to play and sing, even if no one else ever hears me. I want to write, even if no one else ever reads it. I want to stop bottling up these desires and let my creativity free -- release it no matter what becomes of it, even if it doesn't lead to any great talent. It's a way to express myself and release things I've trapped inside for too long. ----- They have incrreased my venesection (blood letting) appointments to every 2 weeks now ... the treatments every 6 weeks were not lowering my iron levels enough, so now I go every 2, and I'm beginning to feel like a pin cushion! They only use my right arm because I have a birthmark inside my left elbow and it's not smooth and flat, so they think it might hurt more. Let's hope this is helping! Anna

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